once again..the lesson is repeated until the lesson is learned

I can not believe that it has been about a week since I posted last.

Tuesday I walked 5K while one of the kids was at the skateboard park, but other than that, there has been no gym or anything. On Monday, I fell and hurt the left leg. As Alison said, "you are a mess." I totally agree, but I think that will soon change. Here is what I wrote out Thursday morning when I had a few spare moments, but not by a computer:

Not sure that I know where to begin. It has been busy, but not at the things I need to be busy at!The past week as been teaching me so much, but I only am realizing it now that I am taking time to reflect. I guess that's why it is important to meditate and reflect daily, huh?

Someone asked me, "aren't you frustrated?" I repy "about what?" them, "about going so fast and steady on your journey, then hitting a wall, gaining, just not being done yet?" My reply, "yes."

First, "gee, thanks for the uplifing conversation." haha The fact is, yes, I am very frustrated. I have been taught that someone isn't a leader if they are not frustrated because it means they have stopped trying to grow and get better. Second, my journey will never be over(done)..well, until I leave the earth, right?

So, let's look at this exchange I had with this person. Yes, i started out fast, driven and focused and accomplished a lot. I was also wasn't working 40 hours every week. I had the luxury of time, which I am so thankful for, because it helped me understand the food part quite a bit more. I want to stop gaining and hitting a wall, of course! Unfortunately, I ceary haven't learned the lessons and lifestyle properly, because they keep repeating. I think that I have said it before--the lesson is repeated until the lesson is learned.

What lesson this time??? Well, without a doubt, when I am stressed/worried about something, my reaction is to eat. It's ike a strange feeling. It's almost like when I have been on prednisone, and I am starving all day, nothing satisfies my appetite at a and I just keep eating. Last night, I just kept trying to figure out why I respond to stress that way, and I think I actually might have a good possibility why. I could be totally wrong, but atleast I'm thinking through it a bit, right?

Here's my theory. At about 9 or 10 years old, maybe earlier, I would get upsset or worried about something. i don't remember anyone asking me how I was feeling. they may have, i just really don't recall that being the case. I wasn't big at expressing my feelings, maybe because as a young child when i voiced my opinion, my dad would yell and get mad at me--yes, it was usually about food. So, suppressing my feelings, not learning how to express them or work through them much was a big challenge. I guess I just would eat something, because I knew that if i ate something that i liked, it would take my mind off of what was bothering/upsetting me. Another thought is that like so many parents, maybe my parents used food to comfort me when I was upset about something. For example, I'm screaming and crying and they want me to stop, so they say something like, "if you stop crying you can have a treat." I have no idea if that happened, but like I mentioned..these are theories. It's noone's fault and like Hoss talked abou tin his blog, the past doesn't matter, I control my own destiny in the health and fitness area, and I need to make healthy choices every day and be more "present" in my day and with each thing I am doing.

From 2-10 years old, I lived acorss the street from a great family! Over the years we have totally stayed in touch, in fact, my mom is best friends with the mom, Lee. "Uncle" Chuck and "Aunt" Lee, along with their 3 daughters, Toni, Suzi and Nancy are like family to me. Wednesday, we lost Uncle Chuck. He was surrounded by his family as he passed, and it leaves such a gap in my heart and my heart just aches for the family that he left behind.

This is the reason I started to really think about my stress eating. Last night I was thinking, "I know that I can't fix this of help this, i don't know what to do." eating...lol. I thought about my life and my parents a lot.

Uncle Chuck, I will carry you in my heart. Aunt Lee, Toni, Suzi and Nancy, I love you all!

For thursday, I will make healthier choices!!

Please think about the words you use with your children, especially when talking about food.

Learning and growing into a healthier me!
~Cindy Lou